pillars of mistrust (part three)

I must say I had little knowledge and understanding on what trusting and hoping in God had to do with my relationship with him, and while I was reading his holy word my eyes where blind to verses talking about trusting and putting my hope in God until now that my mind has been awakened to this reality. My luck of trusting in this great God hindered me from truly seeing God as he is but rather viewing him in an angle that I viewed men based from the story of my childhood, it is sad that I thought he would leave me for my not being updated or measuring up, and despite my desire and longing for a better relationship than the one experienced, I knew He would one day walk out of my life especially in days when waves were too high for navigation. I know I was wrong and probably God was looking at me with mercy and grace yet I had too many lies around me to feel grace.

 As I have been sitting every evening at my veranda  (it can get pretty hot here) I have been soaked deep into the mystery of trusting in my lover and finding the purpose of my existence. Remember that my heart at this point had come to a point of fully without doubt understanding that i gave God my heart but denied him the trust and hope, As I have been reading my chronological bible I have come to know that God is pointing to something and going somewhere with every story and it requires faith trust, belief and hope to take a walk with him.

God made old Israelites wander in the desert and not enter the Promised Land and the root of everything was their lack of trust in the God who had delivered and was their sustenance up to that far. Why would these people not trust God even after witnessing all that Moses did in his name?

The lord said, how long will these people treat me with contempt?  How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them? (Numbers 14:10-12)

I read this as if the lord was talking directly to me, how long will you not trust and believe me? I could of course not answer but with stillness i questioned my own actions of mistrust.

It is further astonishing knowing the reason why great leaders (Moses and Aaron) were denied the privilege of entering the Promised Land,

But the lord said to Moses and Aaron, “because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them”.(numbers 20:12)

Trust was a key factor here, something even brilliant leaders like Moses and Aaron could not do without.

The lord is really opening my heart to understanding that trusting him and having perfect hope is very crucial in my relationship with him, and finally believing that I actually glorify God when I trust him, not trusting in him has far more consequences than can be thought of, my soul has been haunted by every day circumstances through constant worry and misery with the hope that I can clear all the obstacles a head of my way yet the more I did the more fog in my way was. I have carried all the weight that there is on my weak back instead of letting him take it all. I have also struggled having peace of mind which has been my aim amidst tribulation, this has deprived all of my everything just because trust and hope was my weak points, and my pillars have been challenged and put to a test of holding me in time of trouble but because foundations on which they were built on was not strong enough, fear has been my immediate company yet,

But why not trust in the lord, why doubt his works done in the past and assurance of things not yet seen, wake up my soul, rise within me and trust your maker. In you o, lord do I trust, let me not be put to shame. and may I not be counted among those who your judgment falls on because of disbelief,

For this hope I was saved, but hope that is seen in no hope at all, who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not have yet we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24-25

Listen to me, o kiggundu, you who I have upheld since you were conceived and you I have carried since your birth… I am he; I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you, I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:3-4

And the one who trusts in the lord will never be put to shame. Romans 9:33

Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses but in the name of the lord my god I trust (psalm 20:7)

I yet know there days when my trust in him is put to a test by the trouble that surrounds me and thoughts of the past but when am afraid  I will trust in you, in God whose word I praise, in God  I trust so will not be afraid ( Psalm 56:3-4)

So now I set out in dedication to trusting and hoping entirely in God, he who formed me and made, he who lives not very far away from me for he is my present help in time of need. Let the storm rise above my head, let the sound roar to my ears but you lord I trust, the hope of my salvation and refuge on this earth where i am only but a foreigner, only a passerby. so until you come or call me home, you alone indeed determine my destiny, help me trust in you with unwavering faith.

BY: kiggundu wilson