sick?

one of those diseases that you get and wish you hadn't, not that it is so painful but the knowledge that you are sick, not that the doctor said so but you know you are, it is the one, "o' my God" sometimes miracles are far out of ones reach, not that you don't believe they are true but because you are too humble you are proud of being too healthy.

too painful that you have to walk in slow motion, indeed, one body with many different parts which all work to serve the soul they carry, wish one part of the body would live and be independent from the other, if it was the case then i would carry around legs and head, but nope, that's not the way it works. so painful that it actually hurts, (as if it had to be painless).
yet it's those seasons in life when peace is so close that pain does not interfere with ones soul, the best state to ever be in.

how can it be peaceful when you are fully aware you are sick but hide the evidence? i don't know really, may be its not me, there must be an external power involved that is greater than the one i posses. or am pretending, (lying this way might make one more happy)

i have met crazy people but not as crazy as wishing they were taken away in the mid night hour still and peaceful rather than some one having to tear their inside in search for a foreign creature. prefer  angles coming in the night than in the day with hopeless souls wondering the destiny of their soul-mate. but even in the night, terms and conditions apply. it should be one of those nights with a bright pale blue moon light, silent in all ways, not like yesterday night when the music so loud that the owls couldn't fly.
i may also not want the owls to cry, those i leave behind might attach the departure to the owl's prediction. am i ready to go? am ready once am reminded that i have loved am been loved.