Even through pain

All that the crowd sees is our perfect lines and straight hymns,

they know not of our pains and struggles.

No one takes initiative to find out our behind the scenes.

so can’t know the loop holes we survived to reach this great scene.

They cheer and clap for our success, yet forget the cried tears of yesterday.

These scars are not from want nor were they deserved,

in tunnels we crawled following pain, the only way to survive.

Thought there would be light to guide our bear feet, 

They jealously smile at our life’s achievement and with evil thought wish they were us.

But can they really walk in the painful shoes of unbearable memories,

Can their ears handle what we have heard; their eyes see what we seen;

Surely, few can’t endure that which we survived.

Nor your hearts bear the pain of growing up with an empty love tank,

And sprouting up with no roots to support our long stems.

And rejected by those we sought to please and adore.

Like seeds scattered on rocky grounds we had no hope,

Even our planters thought not great of us,

Where then would our help come from,

This is an imagination to you but reality to us.

While you look at scrapbooks, it is scars that tell a better story for us,

We cherish them like our own, for without them what would life be.

It is from wounds that we have learn t,

From struggles we have been taught,

And from pain that our character thrives.

But even when the angriest scars fade into our dark skins,

There will yet be unforgettable memories of how painful it was to live.

Denying the fact that we’ve been hurt would be a waste of who we are,

And what those moments trained us to be.

It is in pain that we question life,

In misery we seem aware of our own existence,

We awaken to find the lost meaning of life

It is then that we search for perfect paths.

We are groomed by difficulties,

in lonely times we’ve found company,

And through cries we have found family,

Now we can chill knowing there is one who cares.

We have endured endless peaks of pain and valleys of loneliness

We have lost beloved's we could not live without; yet we have lived.

Walking in these shoes would be reliving history,
We have encountered unforgivable cruelty; yet we have forgiven.

And have been forgiven in the same manner.

We have survived, flourished, and thrived with passion, compassion, humor and style.

We have been fortunate and worthy.

Nature has made us strong not by desire, but by painful infliction.

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness.

We have no scars to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

says Chuck Palahniuk, in Diary

Life would be easy if it wasn’t daily,

Life is for sure hard, anyone who says different

is trying to sell something beyond reality.

Life is real, yet reality in life is best examined through struggles it presents.

Now we stand, heavy laden,

before a great gate which leads to the rest of all time.
It swings ajar, and we know at this critical moment…

that not all we carry need enter when we enter.

We now enter the great gate of promise knowing..

That enmity falls back down the slope to yesterday.

We can lay down our burden of violence and step lightly onto the tablet of forgiveness.

We now forget the pain of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

But even through this pain, we hold no pain against the oppressor,

For it has brought us great gain than we would have seen if they didn’t

We are yet to stand on platforms above,

Telling of lessons learn t and character gained to those

who learn t nothing from the peace granted.

We have gained more from the spade assigned to our hands

than those born with the silver spoon in their mouths.

 Not because we are so great,

but because God has worked beyond our weakness

and struggles and gone ahead to work in ways beyond our explanation.

Indeed, even through pain!
BY: Kiggundu wilson

2013, The year of heights

Days are moving, the year is ending

The sun rises and soon it shall set

A few more rises and sets, and it will be 2013

2012 is vanishing away like dew

As hours advance, it comes to an end

Blessed is the sunset which will mark the end of 2012

And the first sunrise marking 2013’s beginning

Soon or later it is going to a new year, 2013

As am saying bye to 2012, how have I led my life

Have my feet stepped in the right place?

Have I set my ears to the right voice?

Where has the focus of my eyes been?

What has been my heart’s desire?

How has been the posture of my heart?

Have I lived His vision or mine?

I know I have been loved but have I loved back?

2012 has been finding God in a more clear way

Experiencing His ever present presence

Closing eyes and following His gentle whisper

Developing faith for the unknown future

Letting go of the tangles to be fit for His call

Refusing temporary cure for His true satisfaction

Adjusting to change and flexibility

It has been a year of pure trust

Yet with conflicting doubts

A search for the right path to follow

And looking for stars in the dark of the night’s sky above

A year of getting off the big road and joining a pig trail,

a selfless humble but unclear trail,

So small for many but know will lead me to destiny.

Not that I was that brave to make the turn

But some of those moments when the Holy Spirit blind folds You

taking you to where your satisfaction should be .

a new year is like a new page in story writing,  a fresh chapter,

a new morning with the same sun but different form of sunrise,

the same light but different colors,

a time to evaluate the past and plan for the new days to come.

The only trouble is when we lose focus of our new year’s resolution

due to the high speed moving world.

Sometimes it starts out great with shadows of hope and lines of dreams

it presents itself as a ditch of hell and a pit of despair for many.

The year comes early to some and late for others yet distributes

equally to all no matter the time of it’s arrival.

2012 has been like a stone in front of me,

a stone along my steps which I could have stumbled on and fallen

or a stepping stone,

a stone on which  I placed my foot and gained strength for the next step.

Since it has been 12 months of living in faith,

2013 is a year of climbing another ladder towards turning a leaf,

2013 is the year to see God fight the battles of my dreams,

to watch victory on my side of the line,

and to be the one in transit.

To see my character keep me in places where my talents,

gifting and abilities more me.

A year to see the why behind my doubts and questions

and to discover why I have what i possess.

This might not be seen by many but will be experienced in my inner being.

Even during the worst of times when I feel the years go slipping by,
Life seems rife with possibilities when the New Year arrives.
behold by hope at the new year’s coming
I feel renewed and want to start living.
This year I'll travel and see the sights
I'll reach out and go beyond
I'll be a new fish in a brand new pond.
Even though time does fly i won't let this year be wasted
I'll look forward to new adventures that awaits me
And be open to opportunities i am graced with.
I won't dwell on years gone by
I'll start each new morning a brand new way

A new day with no mistakes of guilt

2013, a year of promised heights

BY: kiggundu wilson

Merry Christmas

we have without patience waited for Christmas

our hearts burning for the day

and our tummy hungry for the meal

waiting for the dark of the night,

our eyes up in the skies for the shining star

we can hardly wait till Christmas

music at every street corner

green trees with lights of un imaginable beauty,

did we decorate enough for the savior?

Did we buy the right and enough?

can the celebration pay the cost?

Are we doing it the right way?

The ultimate Lamb of God, born to us

A king who is that humble not to be pride

In a smelly manger he came forth from His holy throne

For the sinners and proud the savoir came

None among the living knew the vision he would lead

Joseph too could not determine his destiny

Although known to many, few believed

For it took faith in believing that a manger boy is the savoir

He needed no approval to be one, for he already was

It is upon the native to embrace his offer

Upon the hearts to soften

Upon the proud to be humble

And yet even in that struggle, He helps us

For he knows we are just weak clay

 Jesus is indeed born, but where exactly

Are we going to let him be born in the garage?

At the back yard or at the front porch?

Mary and joseph had nine months to prepare,

We have had the whole year,

Are our hearts sprinkled for the cleansing?

Are they harm enough for His birth?

Are the doors of our hearts open wide enough for his entrance?

As we celebrate his birth, let us invite Him to be born in our hearts,

In today’s fast moving world, it is very easy

to lose focus of the true meaning of Christmas

upon the green trees, sparkling lights and

the ribbons around the big boxes of gifts,

we forget about the child born on that dark powerless night.

In our big woolen beds, we forget the child born in hay.

The lights allover blinds us from the shining star pointing to his birth

We hence lose direction.

It’s time to remember his birth,

The sacrifice he paid to leave his comfort

Not for the righteous but sinners like me

The pride and arrogant, the heavy and burdened

The sad and grieving, the wounded and broken

For the proud he humbled,

For me he became fresh, for you he took on blood

Why not grab the free, why not take the easy,

Why not come and feed on his love

Why not hurry and drink the everlasting water

Throw aside the heavy; untie knots that delay,

Jump obstacles that block, abandon the burdens.

Jump fences of resistance,

Cross boundaries of despair, come see Him

Walk on the bridge of love without hate, pure and holy.

Follow the star up in the sky…

Come see the baby, come rest says He,

Come have hope, come have life

Come get happiness, come be satisfied

Hurry and be filled, run be and be strengthened.

Sit and be mended,

Close your eyes, let the past be forgotten
let pain slip away 

Let my unwavering peace wash away your doubt

Watch and see me fulfill all that I promised,

Merry Christmas, don’t forget it is about me.

Says Jesus, May I be born in your heart? He asks.

Merry Christmas

                                    kiggundu wilson

sick?

one of those diseases that you get and wish you hadn't, not that it is so painful but the knowledge that you are sick, not that the doctor said so but you know you are, it is the one, "o' my God" sometimes miracles are far out of ones reach, not that you don't believe they are true but because you are too humble you are proud of being too healthy.

too painful that you have to walk in slow motion, indeed, one body with many different parts which all work to serve the soul they carry, wish one part of the body would live and be independent from the other, if it was the case then i would carry around legs and head, but nope, that's not the way it works. so painful that it actually hurts, (as if it had to be painless).
yet it's those seasons in life when peace is so close that pain does not interfere with ones soul, the best state to ever be in.

how can it be peaceful when you are fully aware you are sick but hide the evidence? i don't know really, may be its not me, there must be an external power involved that is greater than the one i posses. or am pretending, (lying this way might make one more happy)

i have met crazy people but not as crazy as wishing they were taken away in the mid night hour still and peaceful rather than some one having to tear their inside in search for a foreign creature. prefer  angles coming in the night than in the day with hopeless souls wondering the destiny of their soul-mate. but even in the night, terms and conditions apply. it should be one of those nights with a bright pale blue moon light, silent in all ways, not like yesterday night when the music so loud that the owls couldn't fly.
i may also not want the owls to cry, those i leave behind might attach the departure to the owl's prediction. am i ready to go? am ready once am reminded that i have loved am been loved.

ONE HOPE, one victory

Today’s rebellion will not only affect us but those innocent ones inside us,

we suffered the mess of those who came before us,

we have carried burdens heavier than our weight, and endured trials without help.

silent we have been of the past, silent we shall not be of the future.

We have inhaled injustice from selfish ones, we stubbed and fell.

we have had to pave our own roads, write our own stories,

echo our own hymns and dance to our own composed music.

through it all we return to the beach wet but alive,

we have escaped the hot fires but not burnt,

we have fallen but not broken,

all affected our physical but left our heart virgin to love,

dreams, visions and holiness.

we now stand here with scars at every inch,

with memories never to forget,  

crossing the bridge from despair to hope,

jumping from hate to love, and from grief to joy

now we can climb ladders to view what lies ahead of us.

from different cultures and background we…

have gathered in this elevator of destiny, holding the map of hope

what else could bring us this close if not a common dream.

with different faces and colors we still resemble the other,

we carry the hope for tomorrow, we hold the flag of victory.

we deny not the chance of making a difference,

this is ours to embrace and together we protect.

why evil prevails is because good men do nothing , come on,

we are part of the good men. we cannot sit down seeing our nation decay. 

our life experience was preparing us for now, that's why we endured,

that's why we survived, and that's why we still stand

And it’s for this we possess character.

life started and someday will end,

but not everyone's will end, how will those after us survive?

how will they live? our little ones, our seedlings, our infants.

am afraid the waves will blow them off the shore,

the tides will terrify them, the floods will drown them.

Will they be able to learn the lessons we have learnt?

Will they have the boldness?

Will they swim against the current or will they give in into deceit.

These are questions for us to answer before will graduate to a better life.

How are the little ones going to learn the lessons we have learnt the hard way?

Who is going to teach it to them?

Are we going to let luck and chance determine their destiny?

or are we going to rise up and teach them the purpose and vision of life.

Are we waiting until they reach the black gates of violence?

or we want these to be the last words they hear.

Are we going to let them hate before we teach them how to love,

fall before we teach them how to stand,

disobey before we emphasize obedience, or

damage before they learn how to protect,

should they learn through their mistakes or

are those who came before them going to offer their life mistakes as teaching aids.

The kind of task am talking about is above our skills, gifting’s, profession,

indeed above our daily hobby and talents,

it can be stressful and fruitless yet this same task is placed between the margin of our calling.

The work is surely hard but the hearts of our children are worth fighting for because the fruits of their character are worth the daily struggle.

Now is the time to start digging the foundation of tomorrow,

now is the time to dig deep holes for our seedlings,  

now is the time to trim those we love and greatly treasure,

we desire them not to learn these lessons the hard way as we did,

its painful, its promiseless, its hopeless, just that we survived.

Now is the time to act and tomorrow is the time to sit and enjoy the fruits of our great work.  

I know we shall one day reunite under the same umbrella of victory

standing on a common plat form of joy, we shall one day sing the same hymn,

join in the same stanza of greatness, we shall on that day rejoice holiness,

celebrate salvation under one bound of love.

This is the one hope, the one victory.

Promise yourself

Promise yourself to wake up every morning with a thankful

heart as though each day was thanksgiving.

Promise yourself to start each day with a new joy, joy that

is not affected by pain and, misery or doubt.

Promise yourself to make a decision as you open the door

each morning, am going to be happy to day.

Promise yourself to live in peace with every mammal you meet,

(if possible).

Promise yourself to respect he and she for they need it

although you think they don’t deserve it.

Promise yourself to submit to the other out of  

reverence to Christ.

Promise yourself to live out of the human nature of selfishness.                

but live for the sake others who need your selflessness.                                     

Promise yourself to always live with hope for tomorrow

for you die the moment you lose hope.

Promise yourself to be present for your own life before you

think of being present in another ones life.

Promise yourself to help those who need your help, the lame

who need your leg, the blind who need your eye,

the mute who need your mouth.

Promise yourself to respect you so that others will

respect you in return.

Promise yourself to work for everything you hope to own, don’t

wait for anyone to do for you something you can do yourself,

you will be more satisfied by your work than another.

( do everything you can do).

Promise yourself to hate injustice, love justice and be just yourself.

Promise yourself to speak good about others, encouraging the

hopeless, pursuing the unlovable and trusting your doubters.

Promise yourself to do only that which moves you forward leaving

that which seduces you backwards.

Life is too short to live in regrets, promise yourself to walk the                                          

journey of your life perfectly without regrets.

Promise yourself to open your inner ears for the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Promise yourself to learn how to number your days alright

that you may gain a heart of wisdom.

Promise yourself live life so well that when you die,

it’s the only thing left for you to do.

Promise yourself to forgive and remember that you have forgiven.

Promise yourself to sleep with a hope that tomorrow is a new

day with no mistakes in it yet.

Promise yourself to be honest, telling the truth no matter its cost,

that you may be set free.

Promise yourself to smile to strangers, they might need it although

may pretend they've got it alright.

Promise yourself not to live in pretense of pleasing those around you,

no one will respect you, they will although do when you live straight.

Promise yourself to set your eyes not on things of this world but to

live in confidence that someday your life is going to end up in heaven

Promise yourself to have an open ear and after you listen,

speak a half of what you have heard.

Promise yourself to positively influence those around you instead

of them influencing you negatively.

Promise yourself to have a vision for life,

live a life out of the calling of Christ,

Promise yourself to stick to the vision you set in life,

let not ragging waves or wind divert you from your

vision and goal in life.

Promise yourself to live a life of purity, offering your body as a living sacrifice,

holy and pleasing to god, for this is your spiritual view of worship.

Promise yourself to be humble, you can’t be as humble as Jesus but

do your best to get as close as you can.

Promise yourself to do the hard, taste the tasteless just to get a feeling of

how doing it is, that you my fit anywhere life places you, you never know.

Promise yourself to locate the northern star wherever you are,

it will give you direction no matter where you are.

Promise yourself to do more than you are expected to do,

more than the words on your job description,

remembering that God is your employer, you won’t be fired.

Promise yourself to test the spirit, just to know the one which is from God.

Promise yourself to physically protect the weak vessels around you,

but they need your emotional protection

as much as they need your physical.

Promise yourself to love genuinely, not many love this way.

Promise yourself to point everyone to the saving grace of Christ,

don’t forget the saving image of the cross.

promise yourself!

                         BY: kiggundu wilson.

IS LIFE FAIR?

             Is life fair?

·         To the lame life can’t be fair yet not at any single moment, living helpless and vulnerable as if one deserved to be that different from others yet to those who have the ability to move and work are still living in poverty, helplessness and living as though they vulnerable.

·         To the blind there is no way to convince them life is fair especially when those with sight are the ones trying to preach the gospel. and how can the blind express to me the pain of not having sight in the way that I will understand.

·         Am listening to toby mac, I love his music, Without music I know not how life would be, This is because my ear drum functions, does music matter to those whose ear drums functions not like mine, how can I explain to him the beauty if music?

Is life fair?

Is life fair?

·         To the rich, life is very fair, more than anything else,

but is it fair for me who survives on less than a dollar a day?

Can life be fair to both the poor and the rich?

·         When I talk, people listen, they obey and act the same time,

what about me whose mouth is shut the moment I open it,

surely life is only fair to those who are respected, to the “BIG MEN”.

·         The lord is good, I have not fallen sick in 10 years,

Is life fair?

Is life fair?

             but is he the same good God to the poor little kid who was born of HIV. AIDS in Burundi?

·         I have never got into an accident although I travel on the bad roads of this nation,

would you say this if you were the man whose legs were cut off in a crazy car accident?

or the poor kid who died after a drunkard bus driver lost control crushing him in his house,

or the lady whose boobs were pierced by sharp window glass when the taxi over turned,

or the little girl who was left fatherless because the accident didn’t favor her parents,

or the bride who was left widow after a car crush on the way  to their honey money.

Is life fair?

                Is life fair?

·         While those with fathers are being proud for them,

the fatherless are wondering what a hell life is without a father to be proud of

·         This 18 year old girl is tired of her parents deciding what she does in life,  

they get on my nerve, she says. what about a pregnant girl in Brazil who is regretting

 because her parents were too busy to guide her step, only if they were there for me,

 she says.

·         Why is it that some have fathers in their lives while others are born fatherless?

but even in having parents, why is it that some parents present

while others are absent even in their presence,

 it leaves little boys and girls missing them as though they are absent.

·         A once strong Christian denied God because He allowed his 60 year old

sweet and dear mother to die, how can a loving God let my mother die that early, he complained, what does a 6 year old boy in Nigeria have to say to the same God who allowed his mother die during his birth?

Is life fair?

                Is life fair?

·         Been married for 17 years, I have tried having a baby but it has all ended up a failure,

 I just need a baby. While a married woman desperately desires for a baby,

 this 16 year old girl hates the thing that is inside her,  she is barren yet needs a child,

 but a fruitful 16 year old hates that she is pregnant,

·         My womb can’t hold a baby, I have had 7 miscarriages, while she is weeping,

 a prostitute on the street has had the same number of abortion because she has to continue with her business.

Is life fair?

                Is life fair?

·         Grew up from a loving family, with good brothers, sisters and friends,

 my mother always told me my virginity was the best gift I could ever give to my future husband, am 45 still with the best gift to offer him, but can’t find the man who I will present this perfect gift I’ve kept for all this time yet those who have it not are finding them.

·         I was beautiful from the time I came from my mother’s womb,

 I grew up knowing I was beautiful from my parents,

 I have for long therefore believed and that I was more

 beautiful than all my classmates and friends,

but why do those I consider ugly getting married and me the beautiful still single?

 Does beauty matter? I thought I was the one to get married first.

 Still single yet beautiful, am beautiful but unlucky.

·         While this 20 year old girl is having sleepless nights wishing she was married and wondering what is wrong with her, there is 25 year old woman who has been married for 3 years but wishes she was still single, because she would be better single than married.

Is life fair?

                Is life fair?

·         It has rained for a long time, when is the rainy season ever so

we get rid of the wet muddy ground that makes our clean cars dirty,

I hate prolonged rainy seasons, we say, while one is busy complaining

 about the heavy rains, the natives in karamoja desperately need the rain,

they hate the dry season.

·         Water is life, only not in Bwayise- Kampala Uganda because every time it rains,

 it floods into people’s houses, while it is flooding in Kampala,

 the herds men somewhere need that kind of rain to

 give water for their thirsty dying animals.

·         Farmer’s crops are swept away by the hailstorm every time it rains,

so rain to them is causing famine, yet crops are dying in another district

 because of the lack of rain, people are living in famine because it is not raining,

 so what is better? Rain or doubt?

Is life fair?

                Is life fair?

·         I know of a guy who refused to take what his father left as inheritance after he died,

 the reason behind his refusal was because to him the inheritance was too small,

he felt like his dead father was mocking and cursing poverty on his life to leave him

the small house, yet am friends with people whose relatives took all that his

 father left as inheritance, if it wasn’t for the greedy relatives, his life would be at

a better level than starting all over again as if they had no caring father.

Is life fair?

Is life fair?

Do you live in doubt of life, asking yourself whether the state you are in is all that life has to offer, living with the question, is life fair? I know not if life can be fair if we are looking at both sides of life, the question will not perfectly be answered by one who is still weeping because of what life has presented him in the past or the present, nor can it be answered by the one who is at the opposite of life, who is filled with joy and laughter because of what life is offering him. if it can’t be answered by any of the sides, then who can answer the question? It is so fragile and delicate that it cannot be answered by the developing movement of democracy. The vote to this question is a one vote election, it is only you can answer the question, Is life fair? It has been a challenge for years, and I lay it as a challenge. The answer to this great question will actually depend on what kind of relationship you are enjoying with your god.

Is life fair? The way you answer it will grade your relationship level and how much of your hope is based on earth and heaven.

Is life fair?

Is life fair?

I live in an internationally unfair world which is fortunately owned and controlled by a fair just God who adopted me as his son.

How can a perfect fair just God own a world that is imperfectly unfair? It is because an imperfectly unfair world needs a perfectly fair just God to make the imperfect unfair world perfectly fair.

Is life fair?

A YEAR OLDER

From when i was in kindergarten i always remembered the even numbers and forgot the odd ones, now that am grown,the same principle applies just in different ways. as i have been thinking of it all. fear that am turning 23, not that i fear getting older but the fact that there is an odd number at the end of the first digit. it actually seems like i have been 22 for the last 22 years. i just pray that this year runs very first so that i become 24. well, happy for the last year, it has been great with challenges of its own. 

This is the first time in the last years i have actually taken time to think of 11 of November as the day i was born. I know this is confusing for those who have celebrated there birthdays from the time they were one. other people have helped me remember that it is the day i was born by celebrating it a couple of days earlier of later. last year i was very prepared to acknowledge the day a month earlier but the day missed me/ missed the day. i remembered a day later. these were my actual words that i wrote in my journal. "it was my birthday yesterday", last year this time, i was at Musana camps in mukono, ( a branch of new hope Uganda that is being established to handle manhood programs) i was alone in the house because everyone else was gone.  i spend the day in a work shop all day long from morning till evening. 
It is perfect that this time it is a Sunday  it has given me time to think of life for the last 12 months. i went to church earlier so that i get some alone time, After the service, i went to meet one of my great friends who blessed me.

A year ago i had made plans of being in school the year to come, i didn't know what God had in store for me concerning the future. I spent the whole of Christmas holiday contemplating and seeking God to show me what he wanted me to do with he life he gave me. I must say i heard no voice from Him concerning the matter, it was left for me to take a step of faith into the unknown.
After sharing the matter with people i trusted so dearly in my life, it was decided at last that i was to join the NEW HOPE INSTITUTE CHILDCARE AND FAMILY. That lasted for two weeks, on the 25th of may, i graduated from there and there came another phase in my life. it is during that course that i Matt and Jamie who picked interest in me and me in return. It was then that i realized what God wanted me to do. i moved to Gulu on the 31 of May. I knew not what to expect while on that slow bus to the unknown land.

Spending fie months here, i now have clips of what to expect. The lord has granted me favor starting from Him, Matt and Jamie and the people i come across my way. this is not something to go unnoticed. its a big thing in my life.

Teach me how to number my days oh Lord, that i may gain a heart of wisdom.
 psalm 90:12
For the years to come, i really need this verse right in my heart. especially for the world out there.
I have also just found out what my really calling and gift is, it is although something that needs patience and full devotion to the Lord, am already excited and happy for what the future has for me. there is a whole world out there waiting for me to harvest with joy and jubilation. For this i need God because i need to do it for Him, and without him i might as well not do it.

ACT OF VOLOR

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.

Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and

demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life,

beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a

friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all

people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy

of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only

in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones

to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are

filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep

and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.

Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

Chief Tecumseh (Poem from Act of Valor)

GIVE ME A FORM, am dying

, adying.

 Give me a form, am dying.
No you are not really dying i replied.
 but am very very sick,
yes all of the people here are sick, or even more sick.

This was the conversation that went on for the three days that we worked in the two different villages of the medical outreach. it took a lot decision of whether the medical team that came from the states should offer free medicine to our neighbors or not. all we feared was the effects it would bring on us who stayed in relationship as the medical team had parked to go back to America. would the people be appreciative? or would they still pressure the team to bring more doctors? would it actually have a long time impact on the natives? or would it be just a waste of time? the answers of these questions, we  would speculate but the Matt and Jamie, the directors were willing to give it a go to see the results and reaction this would bring on the village. 

Registration
I had the easiest, hardest and stressful job of all, this job also involved hurting people's fillings. i was giving to register patients as they came, i would give them their forms which they had to have to see the doctors for check up and treatment. well this explains how hard it was not to disappoint our patients. As hours went by, we had to consider not giving out more forms, this is because we had to stop at a certain time so it would not work if we gave out new forms to everyone. it was decided that the doctors would only see 300 patients a day so stopped giving out forms the moment it was 300 people. what about those who did not get forms yet were there waiting to see the doctors from morning? i really wanted to avoid answering this question but there was no other way around it, we are sorry the doctors can't see more than 300 patients. was the concluding words.  but even with that, people still were saying, give me a form, am very sick and about to die.
At the Abaana's hope, there were over 900 people treated because we spent two days there. i also hold amazing stories from here, we at-least found 400 people by the time we pulled up the first day. 

The important, big man
The second day there came a head teacher of a neighboring school who was sick and wanted to be treated. the line of patients was more than he could handle  this means he could not afford standing in the line yet he had to go back and teach. he was an important man. so he managed to come to where we we were, he came to me who had the forms and to Jamie who would give me permission to give him the form. so really he came to the right people directed by the chair person. Jamie's first question to his request was, Do you think you are more important than the rest of the people in the line? the old men and women, the babies at their mothers back? to both of our surprise, the man said YES with no hesitation and shame on his face. what? there was no need of asking the question for the second time. he was truly convinced he was way more important than every body else. 
what made him important? 
he was a teacher, he also headed the whole primary school, he got a government salary every month, he had a motorcycle, the chairman new him, he also knew English pretty well. he had to hurry and go back to teach while most of the patients there had nothing important to do after. well, all this brought him to a point of thinking he deserved to be seen first.  
The head teacher was not happy when we did not agree with him of his being important, just like any other person you are, so if you want to be treated, go back and stand in the line, i will be there to give you the form when it is your turn. this was not giving the big man the respect he thought he deserved, but a man of that kind for sure deserves not respect. so i was not willing to give it to him.
We have a very good culture, but this is one of the many areas that needs revising and attention. "the big man" the big men in Uganda have taken too much advantage of the locals thinking they are nothing, this teacher did not even consider that he gets a salary every month yet many of the natives live in constant doubts in their financial sector. he was the big man, he was more important, he had to be seen first.

Muno medicine
Many people drove to come to this medical clinic not because they couldn't afford the medicine else where, but because it was "muno, muzungu, white people" medicine. for some people, it cost them more to come than if they were to buy the medicine in their home town. now a week after they were treated, they are giving testimonies of how muno medicine works better than the local
one. one of the patient told one translator how she slept well the night after she took the muno medicine. there is no magic approach that can address this misconception, that's why i smile after i hear muno medicine.

Prayer is enough
For those who did not see the doctors, Camp and i went to give them de-Wormers. the pastor on the team used this as a chance to prayer with the people, as the prayer ended, one of the ladies followed the line but did not take the worm pill because the muno pastor had prayed and the worms had died there and then. i can't prove how true this is, but this is why she needed not the pill. the prayer was enough. was it the prayer? faith? or muno pastor? the answer lies in the victim.

It was encouraging to see people happy after getting medicine, more encouraging when those who did not get the medicine understood that it was impossible to treat everyone, thank God we treated those that got to see the doctor. some situations are hard to believe. i could believe when a guy came to me after announcing that we were done for the day, he came and said, thank you man for your work, it is not easy, but thank you for bearing with us. may be i will be treated the next time you come back. it left me thinking of how much humility it took him to say that even after he was one of those guys who came early but went back with no medicine, it was a lot of humility and selflessness. 
For people like those who understood, i appreciate and respect them. 


Give me a form please, am dying.
 No you are not really dying i replied.
 but am very very sick, 
yes all of the people here are sick, or even more sick.


Thank you very much the medical team from Alabama, 
AFOYO MATECH, thank you.

Pictures can be seen at  http://mattandjamie.fourcorners.org/