pillars of mistrust (part two)

I did not know this was going on in my life until my small ship was faced with a huge wave more than it could master, Because I hide nothing from those close to my heart I considered help from a friend asking for prayers and seeking Gods peace even in the storm ahead of me, (this wasn't exactly how I presented the matter) this friend saw my doubting heart and wavering faith that they seriously asked me,  doesn't it make you happy and make you feel good when someone trusts you? How much more then does God delight in our trust in Him?  This was more than a Facebook message, it brought my mind to a point of re-evaluating my trust, comparing my trust in God with that I offered fellow men, do you really trust God kiggundu? was the echo that escorted me to bed that hot night and never left until I answered the haunting question. It was then that I realized how much I had given God my heart but denied him the trust he ought to have in the first place. I relaxed the moment he gave me part of him that I did not pursue more of what he had to give, and now am seated in my wooded chair outside on my porch only imagining the beauty I would have if I pursued all that he had to offer me, I find myself thinking of how I wasted those years of trail in putting my fragile trust in things less than the ultimate.

But in my distress and staying up late, filled with regrets and hopelessness of my unfulfilled desires, God was not ready to let me spend that time in vain but there and then proposed a tossed that would latter would bring me everlasting joy and satisfaction in heart, at that moment I felt like the lord was inviting me for something more than I have ever known and experienced just like I was invited to manhood not so long ago, an invitation to leave my childish behavior to join the company of godly men around me, this time the lord himself was inviting me into the holy of hollies  Seated in his mercy sit he was;

·         calling me to live out the trust I had always desired but feared expressing,

·          it was an invitation to drop my dead hopes and wavering faith to finally trust in him who had eternal value.

·         To stop carrying burden that don’t belong to me and carry the light ones he had to offer my weak back

·         To place self-guilt of the past into the forgiveness of his free sacrifice

And in all this he promised I would be a happier ship with my acre in him than elsewhere, giving total satisfaction that nothing else could offer (can’t get any better than this).

Those born with a silver spoon in their mouths and have means of gratifying desires know not what real happiness is, just like those who were built on pillars of mistrust can alone testify the sense of peace realized when you finally start trusting. I was wrong to assume my trusting journey was done when I partially scratched the surface but now am convinced am on the road that leads me home after giving into the proposal.

Yet in me am still asking myself why God waited this long and at the same time answered by the conscience of this quote;

“It is only those who live in scarcity who can appreciate the gift of abundance”

By his own purpose He let me pass into great turmoil of disappointment days of loneliness in the presence of thousands of people and made my eyes see acts that only moved me further away from those who owed me love so that I may have no hesitation in appreciating days like these when I would face the opposite.