Christmas

I have a picture on my wall which I took the same date last year.  It is funny how time runs fast without realizing it yet we live each hour of the day through out the year.  But at the end of the day it still comes back to be Christmas,  I love Christmas the same way I loved it 20 years ago. 
Merry Christmas to you family,  and to those I have loved along the way.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Kiggundu Wilson

What if dreams don’t come true?

I don’t know about you, but when I read biographies of great men, peoples whose life has been great and done wonders on the face of the earth. My heart bounces, wondering how my everyday life is puzzling up to the fulfillment of my great commission. Have you ever wondered that or is this being me? You read that thick book of Keith green and see how the good and the bad led to and pointed to his calling, 

something  difficult for me to say with the different pieces and phases of my own life. Life is not weather prediction or sports betting, it’s a mystery that unfolds bits by bits with or without knowing. I trust it is true. That, “life is understood backwards but lived forward”.  This for me is not retreating from the mission, but a preparing my heart for the worst.                                                               

What if dreams don’t come true? I have had my share of the world and it hasn’t been all that good. I pray prayers telling God enough is enough. That at least this is the right time for me to face something different from that, which my body has become numb to, it’s time to hear sounds that open my ears wide open, sights that are new, and life experiences that surprise my operating system.When it is all dark around me, the storm setting to come, and the clouds forming their way towards me, I take a ruler to measure ages back ,my past life, days gone. And through the uncertainty that lies in the human brain, I wonder to whether my good days are behind me or way further ahead? I don’t want to blink and the next thing I know is I am dying with a pile of unfinished works,                                  

What if the lord wants me to remain as humble as my past, what if I don’t hit big dreams and live the reality that exists in my head? What if I remain in the world of complete controversy where everyone thinks I am crazy because of what I believe in? What if I don’t ever get to a point where people think am right? What if all I ever do in life are petty jobs earning only a lay man’s wages that leaves no legacy? What if I age to 50’s and at the end have nothing to show for my hard work? What if corruption does not change in our time of ruling the nation of Uganda, then which generation will flip this nation round? What if the mystery of HIV/AIDS is not resolved in the time of our breathing, leaving our children and grand children to share in the same curse? What if homosexuality is finally made legal and embraced by our people? Then what moral legacy shall we pass on? What if our economic system does not change, leaving people poor? Something they have seen all their lives. What if people fail to come to Christ, leading their souls to eternal hell?                                                                                         

People say statements like,” where there is a will, there is a way”. Believe and your dreams will come true. Or even, “have faith in the lord, pray and you will see it come true”. And the last one would be a combination of all of them, “believing, praying and hard work will result into dreams coming true”. Am not objecting to any of these, all are true, but i just can’t sit down in a cool shade, take a smoothie and at the end expect all this to happen. And at the same time i cannot eliminate the spiritual part of it (prayer). But does doing all this result into the fulfillment of dreams? Maybe yes, but what if it is the answer we least desire to hear, that NO. What if there is so little to be done that is it so much easy and cheap all can do it and turn a leaf in their lives. But what happens when there is a million other things to be added on that list? so that we would have to check them all off the list, and then it will be automatic all our life problems and question will be answered. Or, to make it worse, what if it is none of the above then where will our imagination take us?                                                                                       
Gratify yourself in the lord and he will give you your heart desires (psalm 37:4) what if this mystery lies only in God and with God. What if the lord’s desire for my life is different from that of my own, in a way that his plans are the opposite of my dreams? The way David was not allowed to build the temple of the lord despite his good motives. What if His purpose for my life is not for me to hit big in any field but remain humbled by low popularity and village status in a way that my influence is limited to my location? Or, what if I never get answers to any of my life questions but just live a simple humble life.  What if these dreams are not for me, but for someone out there like you? Who said dreaming exists, who said fulfillment of dreams is real? Do they surface when we question their existence or do they hide deeper? What if it is a mind made theory to console a haunted brain? Will I stop dreaming when the dreams I hold come true? or will that be the start of the adventure? Am I asking for impossible sacred things for only anointed and chosen ones? or can I also unfold my hands forward and be blessed?  Am I too early for these life questions? I would have to wait till am 30 or 40 to start thinking of thinking about dreams? or am I too late, that these questions are asked by twelve and fifteen year olds? Did I miss that stage and now I am under fixation? Am I on the right path by asking this or am I headed to the deep end?                                                                                                                               
 I don’t know about you, but for me I don’t want to blink any second of my life, only to wake up and I am old and wondering what happened to life. I don’t want to resist death when it knocks; I want to die a happy man, like one of those that is chosen. And yes, what if dreams don’t come true? Will I be able to settle and know that the lord works all things for the good of those who love him? Will I sleep and wake up every morning and say “your will be done on earth as it is done in heaven?                            

Will I blame myself for not working so hard and giving it all my best or will I blame my enthusiasm and zeal for working so hard I missed the point? Will I settle and say to my kids, yes, sons and daughters, this is the path the lord has chosen me to lead and I will rejoice and be glad, teaching them to know His will and walk in it. Will I die a happy man when dreams don’t come true? Will I under estimate His power and authority? 
Will i stop believing or will I hold on to the faith? I pray I do. Because the last thing I request is dying with regrets and questions. Do you ever think this way, or is this being me?What if dreams don’t come true?                                                                                                                         In Christ alone                                

                           Kiggundu Wilson

The joy of my new sister

I press the keyboard with tears of joy, I am a happy man

this weekend,

 I grew up in a place where manhood was a daily topic, I was taught this topic even before I knew I was a boy, and as I grew up, the picture came more live and clear. Time came when I had to make the decision to either jump on this bus of manhood or leave it pass by. I didn’t live it to go, I might be in the back seat but I am it being driven by Jesus to perfection and redemption.

My brother called me on Friday night and gave me news I have been waiting for, for many years. He went on to tell me that namugerwa has been found and was on the way to see him, to me this was strange for I knew no body called by that name who was kidnapped. But he was patient with me and explained to me that it was the missing sister. I knew and was praying to God about this but didn’t know this was the right timing for me to hear this important news. My parents divorced while I was in the womb, mom went on to care for us two brothers and moved to luwero to her parents. From that time onwards, there was no information about my dad, it is so sad that we even got to know he had passed away one year after, I was still young, but even then. Not knowing immediately and attending the burial of my one father left me with doubts and rejection towards those who were concerned.

Dad and mom were so close and tight so it shocked dad to come back home and find mom gone and the keys of the house with the neighbor, things were crumbling by now for my dad, marriage was over, business failing and his children taken away never to see the first born again and never to see and welcome his unborn child (me). He got into a fruitful relationship with another woman and had a daughter with her before he took his life, this girl would later become the missing dear sister in the mind and life of her caring brothers. I don’t know whether she had an idea that we even existed. But she didn’t have to know, because we knew. And that is all it took.

I hadn’t have any information about her, all I knew was that she was a girl (now a lady), and that kept me going, this was enough for me to pray, think and fantasize of the day we would actually meet for the first day. I didn’t even know her name, that’s why when Patrick told me namugerwa was found, I didn’t know who in the world she was and how she affected my world. It was my sister, yes my own. Words can’t explain how my heart leaped with joy and how wide of a smile I got at hearing this news. I slept a happy man on Friday night, it was like I was whole and complete, peaceful and calm. I was frustrated with school and other stuff but at that moment, that all became nothing, it was like immediate change from cold to warm. Yes I went from Grambling to thankfulness. And who can do this if it is not God.

As men, we are called to protect others, especially those girls and women that the world there seems to under look, this I learnt and I can say tried as much as I could in the past and the present to not exploit and make weak vessels feel unsafe around me. Through my perseverance to making this my theme, my heart was not at peace. Why, my sister. I was here learning how to be a good influence to the ladies around me, but who was teaching the boys who were within the location of my sister to be real men? Who was protecting her from being exploited? Who was walking besides her? Who was correcting her views about life? Who was teaching her about Christ? And who was teaching her about womanhood that sends a pleasing aroma to the throne of God? These questions remain unanswered in my brain and may be they will never be answered but yet I still find myself searching for answers.

 I thank the lord for surely placing me in a place where I got to learn these pillars concerning life, yet for some reason my heart still unsettles because I did not get to love, protect and know my sister at the age when I needed to. I know I should not take the blame for this but there is still a part of me that desires to revisit history and do it all over again, to change the whole story and giving meaning to it, to practice it all on my sister and my own. But these things are left to the lord and because they are sacred, I worship. This is not to say i regret those relationships I got while my family was apart, no, I thank the lord for them and can’t replace you for anything greater. Maybe God intended it that you may see all my mistakes through that journey of growth and struggle for perfection. That my sister at last could see perfect and clean. Sometimes I pray my first born to be a boy, this is not because of gender superiority or anything like that, but I want to have him first so that I can teach him how to love and protect his sister that follow him, something I missed.

I called her yesterday night before I went to bed, I for sure didn’t know what to expect from the other end of the phone. I had to cry at hearing her voice, it was like a dream come true, and yes it was a dream come true for both of us. For two decades we have been apart, doubting the existence of the other, and right there on the phone. I heard the voice and said yes, she is alive.  Her polite and calm talk convinced me she was so pretty and has a big heart. I don’t yet know her other name because I was so happy to ask any question but from her voice and gentle talk, I can guess that her second name is peace. Yes,

Hope to meet her very soon and know her part of story, and yes I have a sister now, my very own. I am older which makes me her big brother. Yes. I can now rest, I can now die, am one of the chosen. (But not yet) I need to meet her first. 

in christ alone

                      kiggundu wilson

life

What is life if we don't learn from it?
What is history if there is nothing to remember? Then those moments we say we lived may other words be called wasted years, with nothing to hold onto as memories, no bruises to mark our struggles and no scars that trail our pain. Living life as though we are its keepers, with no worry of how today's actions affect the future. Living in an era where pleasure has replaced responsibility, Then what is happiness and to whom does it run to, does it go to all or does it have a tendency of favoring some. But then what is there to grab in moments of laughter, or is it a cover up to the buried sorrow and pain inside each dark heart.

Then who can define life in its trueness? Who even has an idea of what consist of it, is it the dead or the living? I really can't guess, because the dead view it with regret of past actions while the living live everyday naive of future expectations. May be for both it presents itself in ways far different from each other. For those on their death beds, wishes may be the anthem ruling their thoughts, while the young, dreams, ambitions of climbing on top of the world may cloud them from seeing life in its true colors. Who then has the audacity to define for the rest? Some has tried but hence been disqualified by their uncertainty of the future. For life is not the past and present but greatly our hope for what is a head of us which is hidden by time. And it is through past experiences that sharpen our character which character defines what we truly are.

It is those scenes in life when we made sacrifices for the sake of others, those dark nights of unclear sight, those mysterious silent mornings of seeking lost identity, and common misty moon light nights with no shoulder to lean on. May be it is moments similar to these that we remember the most, when life was far from us to chase and giving up was next to letting go. When our dreams and purpose in life are separated by a Chinese wall so tall we can not see the rising sun. What then is there to keep us going if it is not hope? The confidence that our shutting dreams will tomorrow gain strength they need. That our bitter moments will ferment a better character than that produced in those easy comings. And the promise that the sweat our hard work will yield seeds for the next generation.
Lord knows we are desperate for change, willing to let our guards down to do anything to see those dreams gain a sense of reality without defiling what we have defined as morals to us. Some think it is only high that we have to climb, sometimes it is how low we are willing to dig to reach our pursuit in life? Some occasions it is diving off the Brooklyn bridge deep down if what we are searching for is under waters.

It is courageous people like these who are willing to start low to get high that learn the basics of humility which are far hidden from those who float in the sky. Those who face life at its worst and never let go of hope even when it seems so distant from their understanding. Those like you who believe life is meaningful for something greater and refuse settling for mediocrity
It is the seeking of something better than ourselves that some dare to hope that someday They will discover why in the world they even exist, why they consume the amount of air they do and why their hearts never stop beating. Are we born to live ordinary and be like ordinary persons? The answer can be different around the globe. and won’t get a free answer if we ask it to the masses. Hence am I born to live an ordinary person's life? no, I don’t think, that has never been my dream and will never be. and this I know, that I was born to make change.

life is a mystery that I accept, but I don’t think that hinders me from researching the mystery and don’t think we will live to find the mysterious part of life unless we live it out. and so here I am.

Kiggundu wilson

Every day

Every day, same story, familiar sounds and common grounds only on different days, wondering when that routine will be broken by a more exciting adventure.

Every day, sleeping with questions of how tomorrow is going to be different from yesterday but with less control giving way for time to be the judge. 

Every day, contemplating on how different life would have been if I had played the right card.

Every day, memorizing lines thinking they would fly me up to heights of indisputable intellectual pride.

Every day, raising my expectations higher than the eagles nest, and not at any moment settling for lesser values than those that represent who I am.

Every day, holding on to self-proclaimed dreams of defeating tomorrow’s struggles with today’s determination.

Every day, going to bed with night mares that elude me from the fur long generated confidence of finally being me.

Every day, falling down subdued and over powered by small sin that leaves me volatile, vulnerable and desperate for the saving grace.

Every day, sustaining hope with ambitious delights that comes with the rising sun from the east.

Every day, life is full of light and shadows; it’s like the hills I see from my window, green and beautiful under the sun but hostile and dangerous in the dark of the night. Yet comforted by the promise of a new bright morning.

Every day, preparing myself for the worst, that may arise from self-negligence or ill hardheartedness from the opposition, lest I be taken in surprise.

Every day, forcing the mind to accept that life is full of mysterious encounters, whose questions cannot be explained and understood by the living.

Every day, taking on risky challenges that mount to breathe taking consequences, heart breaking but at the end life consolidating.

Every day, when lifelessness falls on me, misery becomes me anthem, and regret forms a heavy weight, I will not fall, I will not forget, but will remember those days of endless laughter.

Every day, discovering that humanity is more prone to light than darkness and that at pressing of the right button at the right time, every human soul can be overcome by light ever enduring in them.

Every day, believing that human beings will always have that special beautiful ability to rise from the ashes of their shame and un reconciled past, taking on new journeys to pursue new and fresh dreams that seem hidden, and that at the count of 1 2 3 4 5, I will regain the confidence to pursue and live those dreams that seem entangled in lashes of imperfect luck.

In Christ alone

                        Kiggundu Wilson

Christmas fantasy

It seemed like long ago when we were dreaming of Christmas, but as the clock kept moving, the closer the hours changed and now feeling the tickles that Christmas gives. it was a fabulous one last year with friends, who knew that I would have Christmas very far away from home, maybe the lord is taking me further from those I call family to give me another home and new people I call family. The process though goes with side effects which my heart has not yet come in agreement with. I still miss home, I still miss family.

Christmas for me has always been about celebration, it has been about thanks giving and Christmas has been about family. There are many people in the world who can’t afford any type of feast celebration and many who represent themselves as the entire family. Do these horror occasions deprive Christmas of its meaning? I don’t think so, for it is not what is happening now that defines Christmas but what happened 2013 years ago. In every situation, painful or painless, in hunger or feasting, in dancing or morning, in loss or gain, there is still room for one paramount humbling event, “thanksgiving”.  That for me is this Christmas; I want gratitude to be reflected in all areas of my being. it is difficult not to wish Christmas was this and that, it is easy to be filled with regrets about yesterday missing out on life lessons that today brings us. Because I can’t afford to celebrate as I wished to and won’t see family which would have done me pleasure, all left for me is a silent and calm night of gratitude reflection.

It is going to be a Christmas that either marks the end or the beginning of events in my life hence it is better to say it’s going to be a miracle Christmas.  I now have a good conscience of where am supposed to be going and a clear blue print of my destination yet my feet seem to be stuck in deep mad. It is in that deep mad that I see others by pass me on dry ground, not that I have lost sight of the way, no, in fact I can see clearer than ever before but there is just this one thing. It’s for this reason I want to use the most of this Christmas in a grateful manner because it may end with a new me or a duplicated me. With a smile I want to look back and say it was a merry Christmas.

I want this Christmas to be a Christmas of repair, a moment of healing and redemption and drawing near to his saving grace, my fantasy this Christmas is understanding what the lord thinks of me. I want to embrace it in a way that I have never before, know I am his son, he loves me, am redeemed and forgiven, am the apple of his eye and that my name is written on his palm. I know this truth, but for sure, I can’t say I understand it. I want to collect all the broken fragments of the past and through them in his manger, because I want my brokenness to be dealt with first.  And at last, I want to know the meaning behind the past events to my story.

Merry Christmas to you, who love me and follow my writing,
Merry Christmas to you, who remember me in your prayers,
Merry Christmas to you whose life story am part of,
Merry Christmas to you, who are part of my life,
Merry Christmas to you, whose life mission is reflecting Christ to others,
And to those of you who think of me often and can’t wait to see me, merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas to you whom I have loved along the way.
And to those whose principles and code I still uphold and have made me a better Kiggundu. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you all
In Christ Alone (ICA)

Kiggundu Wilson

Christmas fantasy

It seemed like long ago when we were dreaming of Christmas, but as the clock kept moving, the closer the hours changed and now feeling the tickles that Christmas gives. it was a fabulous one last year with friends, who knew that I would have Christmas very far away from home, maybe the lord is taking me further from those I call family to give me another home and new people I call family. The process though goes with side effects which my heart has not yet come in agreement with. I still miss home, I still miss family.

Christmas for me has always been about celebration, it has been about thanks giving and Christmas has been about family. There are many people in the world who can’t afford any type of feast celebration and many who represent themselves as the entire family. Do these horror occasions deprive Christmas of its meaning? I don’t think so, for it is not what is happening now that defines Christmas but what happened 2013 years ago. In every situation, painful or painless, in hunger or feasting, in dancing or morning, in loss or gain, there is still room for one paramount humbling event, “thanksgiving”.  That for me is this Christmas; I want gratitude to be reflected in all areas of my being. it is difficult not to wish Christmas was this and that, it is easy to be filled with regrets about yesterday missing out on life lessons that today brings us. Because I can’t afford to celebrate as I wished to and won’t see family which would have done me pleasure, all left for me is a silent and calm night of gratitude reflection.

It is going to be a Christmas that either marks the end or the beginning of events in my life hence it is better to say it’s going to be a miracle Christmas.  I now have a good conscience of where am supposed to be going and a clear blue print of my destination yet my feet seem to be stuck in deep mad. It is in that deep mad that I see others by pass me on dry ground, not that I have lost sight of the way, no, in fact I can see clearer than ever before but there is just this one thing. It’s for this reason I want to use the most of this Christmas in a grateful manner because it may end with a new me or a duplicated me. With a smile I want to look back and say it was a merry Christmas.

I want this Christmas to be a Christmas of repair, a moment of healing and redemption and drawing near to his saving grace, my fantasy this Christmas is understanding what the lord thinks of me. I want to embrace it in a way that I have never before, know I am his son, he loves me, am redeemed and forgiven, am the apple of his eye and that my name is written on his palm. I know this truth, but for sure, I can’t say I understand it. I want to collect all the broken fragments of the past and through them in his manger, because I want my brokenness to be dealt with first.  And at last, I want to know the meaning behind the past events to my story.

Merry Christmas to you, who love me and follow my writing,
Merry Christmas to you, who remember me in your prayers,
Merry Christmas to you whose life story am part of,
Merry Christmas to you, who are part of my life,
Merry Christmas to you, whose life mission is reflecting Christ to others,
And to those of you who think of me often and can’t wait to see me, merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas to you whom I have loved along the way.
And to those whose principles and code I still uphold and have made me a better Kiggundu. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you all
In Christ Alone (ICA)

Kiggundu Wilson

like a pencil

My life and relationship with God is the same way as that of the

pencil and its maker before it is produced, the maker knows the way it should look, what it should do and how it should do what he has made it to do. It is in this same way that I am with God For the pencil to be effective in the work of writing,

It must be held. The pencil doesn’t write on its own, it must be held in the hands of the writer in order to leave the writings on the paper, it is in the same way I must be held in the hands of my creator for me to effectively carry out the work that I was created to do. And nothing if out of the will of him, for I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5.

It is the inside that matters, there weren’t many pencil designs and decorations at the time I was young, but as years have rolled by many designs have been evented, for many pencils users, the color, size and pencil design is important. But we forget that it is the inside graphite that matters most, it’s so sad to see us living our lives based on the outside, the real determining factor of our proper functioning is what the lord has made us from the inside, how we look, tall and size has less to do with our efficient functioning, we forget the destiny of our souls by planning for 30 years ahead of us denying the reality of our souls in 300 billion years, we satisfy our hearts with rottings blinded from the Everlasting happiness, we worry too much of tomorrow yet he said. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

Leave a mark. What good is the pencil for use if it doesn’t leave a mark for the writer, in the same way, what good is me if am not influencing the world for positive change, if am not spreading the gospel, if am not loving for a lasting impact, if am not expanding the kingdom of God. If am not making disciple around me. The pencil leaves a mark, so should we leave a godly legacy for the next generation.

Has to be sharpened. After too much friction of leaving a mark, the pencil has to be sharpened for renewal; there are days when we also need to be sharpened by the word of the one who called us. 2 timothy 3:16 which might also take different methods according to his divine will, yet even through it is painful, we come out more equipped for the sake of good works

Rub. Sometimes the pencil slips away from the hand of the writer; it is at that point that the rubber is useful to get rid of the mistake. The lord calls us for holy living, nothing below that does he invite, but his mercy extends to our failures for he remembers that we are dust, and does not give us more than we can bear. But gives us an opportunity for humility, we have a chance through his grace to rub our mistakes; he doesn’t hold us against our sins. We can at the end of the day kneel down besides our beds, use the rubber of prayer and repentance to rub our past mistakes.

So like a pencil, am held in the hands of him who created me to do his good will, what matters is not my outside but what I am inside through is divine image, I leave a mark of change and positive influence around me, I run out so I have to be sharpened by his word, and since I can’t get it perfect, he gave me a rubber of prayer and repentance. I believe all of us can do what we were made to do here if we take on the analogy of a pencil.

 by: kiggundu wilson

In Christ alone

I woke up four days ago with the same unanswered question I face most mornings, asking myself, what does it mean to have a full grasp of being in Christ alone?

I can’t claim that I’ve been doing a great job staying in Christ, but I can surely say that this theory has been and is my heart’s desire for this year,

not that I will get it all at the end of the year, but even learning an inch more than I know now would be a privilege for my relationship with Christ and wouldn't settle for anything less, not most but all aspects of my life is found and defined me being in him, and him alone.

being in Christ for me can be a boundary of both thin and thick walls, a thin line in a way that anyone can enter into the realm and enjoy the privileges offered by Christ, all it takes is believing and admitting ones sin and that Christ is the only answer to the torment of guilt. Romans 10:9. The process doesn’t take special classes, skill or rare abilities that few possess, but an open humble heart willing to face the weakness and imperfection of its weakness. for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23.

Being in Christ as a boundary of thick wall, I view it in a way that "once in, never out",

And you were also included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal of the promised Holy Spirit, who is the deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- Ephesians I: 13-14

And

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?.... For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35, 38.

Am sure of days when all is good with my soul, when I can’t wait to wake up the next morning to enjoy an intimate relationship with God, I go through the day wearing a smile showing a reflection of the state of my heart. And the trust and confidence that comes with the package, those days when I feel alive because I can feel the manifestation of his presence, giving me no chance of doubt,

But what do I do when my communication line with God is disconnected, (not by sin but by His divine will, Isaiah 45:15) when I no longer hear him, I have come to know that my friendship with God is in most cases driven by feelings, I come to trust that he’s with me when I worship and see his eyes open at my praise, when his spirit helps me understand my morning devotion and when my prayers are a sweet aroma and with all being well.

But this is not all year round, I can’t mention how many times I’ve thought God abandoned me just because I don’t feel His presence, the more I’ve got myself in this situation, the more I’ve come to learn that my friendship with God should not be built on feelings that change like Uganda temperature but should rather be built on a firm foundation of trust that remains strong despite the shaking earthquake. God’s presence and manifestation of His presence are two different experiences, one is a fact and the other is a feeling, am so caught up in feelings that I miss the facts of his being and nature.  He wants us to feel Him, but He is more concerned that we trust Him than feeling Him.

So how do I praise Him when I cannot understand what is going on around me?

How do I stay connected to Him in a crisis without communication?

And how do I look to Jesus when there are tears in my eyes?

Like Job, God remained silent for 37 chapters of the book, am sure if his relationship was built on good feelings, Job would have doubted Gods goodness when his skill turned into a playground for the flies. Trust is what kept Job in Christ(God), that despite the affliction and God’s silence, he was still inside those thick impenetrable walls that are never loosened by sin and affliction, connected to the source he was.

I started on this in Christ journey, with desire and passion I will pursue it until it leads me to understanding Him more than I do now because my livelihood, productivity and fruitfulness is tied up in me being in Christ, otherwise I might as well be a dry stamp in the middle of a busy road tripping those who come my way. 

by: kiggundu wilson

Everyone is looking for that something

Everyone is looking for treasures beyond themselves

That something which gives them happiness at all times

Joy hidden so inside but reflects outside

A smile none can predict its source

Rivers of unpredicted laughter and everlasting joy

Days when valleys of doubt are filled

Some find it in the faces of their children;

Some seek it in their beloved parents

While others look for it in those they love

Their spouses and the ones they can’t live without,

Some find it their grand parents

And some find it the children born to their children

Many have that treasure in memories of their past

Yet a multitude finds it in their present

No matter where, everyone is looking for something

Some find it in the morning sun rise,

While others seek it in the evening sunset

So where is your treasure?

When are you happy?

How your joy is made complete?

Some find it in the peak heights while others travel in valleys

Just to find what they call theirs

Few have it in summers and is lost when winter knocks

There is no end to seeking treasures, neither a starting point

You begin when you start and end when hope is lost.

Some find it in their jobs,

Others seek it in hobbies they enjoy

While few find it in families back home

This is their own treasure

Selfishness ones share it with strangers, while selfish ones keep it to themselves

Some can die for that they seek, while others deny the fact

Some value less while many take it as a fortune,

But no matter the tagged value, much it means to its owner

And to him, it’s worth fighting for

It’s a treasure, happiness and joy, no matter what it is

because everyone is looking for something

Some find it in their best friends’ words,

Some in neighbors who have always been present

Others in strangers ounce doubted.

Some seek it in parties, while others enjoy it in quite moments of loneliness

Some people’s treasures are hidden beneath,

While others are flying in the sky,

But no matter where it is hiding, seek it no matter what

For it is yours only and yours alone

Some know not what their treasure

Some can’t fly as high as the treasure they seek

others can’t run that fast So think they don’t deserve what awaits them

What lies behind promises not more than what it offered

So some lose hope of pursuing their dreams..

They lose focus of search for a better purpose of living

Don’t stop dreaming dear; don’t stop hoping, for you are not a lone

Everyone is looking for something

Some look for it in the trash,

Others in baskets with wide holes

Some seek it in dew that disappears in no time

Others in grass that is but only a little while

Some are fighting for it in the bending economy

No matter how big or small

How tall or short

Cheap or expensive

What is the security of what you are looking for

Who does it glorify?

And who does it satisfy?

Who is your treasures creator?

How long does it satisfy you the seek?

Spend no more sleepless nights if it is not heavenly

Waste no more time searching if it is not eternal

Seek not if its satisfaction is only but temporary

Looking for joy, looking for happiness?

Searching for a treasure, looking for satisfaction?

You have not to fly or dive under deep waters

For all your hearts desires are combined in one being

The way the truth and the life

Outside this, sorry, you are lost pursuing a dream with fake benefit

And fighting a war without a cause

Indeed everyone is looking for something

God’s presence lets seek, for it is the greatest discovery for a human soul

Finding his ever present presence.

can't get it right!

i might have to be honest here, not matter how hard, how long, how great i have tried, i just can't get it right. i have a fear that i might not to it right yet if i don't am gone.

for just one time, lord, let me do it perfectly, most times it seems as if it is too close to never let go yet i know it does not belong to me. just can't get it right! am sorry

AS I SAIL

Young to dreams ambitions and alive to a perfected vision in a life driven by purpose and good will.

Opportunity of adventure awaits me there in the wild.
A great catch out there far from the coast, hence will not return without a heavy net...
I place one foot into the boat followed by the other.
Away from the shallow waters i pedal into the deep.
I reject still waters that reterd my competence
a small sized boat i am yet settle not for its size...
I therefore go out into the deep
far away where many despise hence few have sailed
too far for cowards but a challenge for the brave
it is a rough sea that produce a skillful sailor
so dive into the rough storms where my courage is sharpened and perseverance is put to a test.
My boat goes there where big ships sail,
where winds blow and waters rise, out far where i will be tossed.
Am aware of the challenges that await me yet my attitude out ways the fact...
Sailing out not like the lost, pedaling not like am blind, although with strength haste never.
With prayers of patience i drift away with wisdom into the unknown
 and am for sure not alone 
the lord my God is already before me 
He goes not to settle the storm and set my course beforehand.  
He is my rear guard who protects my feeble flame and strengthen my weak muscles
he won't let me stumble and even if i hit an iceberg he will be there

not home yet!

This is definitely going to be a hard topic for me yet glad to tackle it because it has been on my mind for some time, as I sat in meditation yesterday in a dark room left only me and my mind to entertain myself for the rest of the time till I could sleep, this was a slopping ground for the meandering of my thoughts.

There is no hard topic than that which fetches the past, but well, growing up as a little boy (before I joined new hope Uganda) life lost its meaning for many reasons, but what I want to talk about today is the lack of a home, this can take different measures of meaning, whether a physical home or people that I myself call family, my childhood years are filled with memories of movement from one village to another and from one neighborhood to the other only cared for by those who understood the situation. Day time was the best time for me because I was nowhere around the “house” and because child care was and is poor among people in the village none bothered looking for me, but trouble came at sun setting, this was a time to face the reality of being homeless, a time to regret my behavior earlier in the day for my sleeping in that small mad grass thatched house was entirely determined by my earlier acts. I remember days when I didn't measure up, when I did not do good enough to deserve spending the night there.

Having been raised in that kind of environment there has been a struggle within me to live different from how I was raised, to simply work hard to provide myself a place I call home, this has been a genuine fight yet has been discouraged by the way things have been not working as planned, it has indeed made me think of how this is going to be difficult especially putting in account of the economy of Uganda at large.

The lord at the same time has caught hold of my heart changing things round to pointing to a better home than walls and a roof, my view of a home was distorted by childhood experiences to creating in me a lifelong desire to build and create something which would last forever instead of concentrating on myself who was meant to last forever.

 For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.

For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven:

 What i don’t actually understand while on this earth is that life is a temporary assignment, i not yet home, life here on earth is described as  a mist, a wisp of smoke,

 (For we are but of yesterday, and know nothing, because our days upon earth are a shadow:)

While on this earth i get so much attached to it that i fail to let go, it offer many good temporary items that I may mistake it to be my final destination and home, this is one thing that I appreciate from the story of my childhood, that although it was hard to live in those days the lord was teaching me not to settle for less, not to settle for what the world was offering me but through the struggles look for a home after knowing that am only but a stranger.

 I am a stranger in the earth: hide not thy commandments from me.

If I don’t posse a home here on this earth then there must be a better home, but the struggle is thinking that this is all that life has and settling as citizen forgetting that my home is in heaven with Christ. These homes are just a tip of a fore shadow of what we are to meet in heaven.

 Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.

We are Christ’s ambassadors here on this earth but we have for some reason become traitors by falling in love with a place that is not ours.

We find no satisfaction on this earth because this is not where our ultimate satisfaction lies, we were not meant to be here forever, the sad fact is that some have become like fish that happily lives outside water an incident that never should occur.

Let us stretch our faith (Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.) to the unseen and see heaven as our home. Let us understand that this life is a small proportion of our life after death when we will finally live the rest of lives in his glory. The 100 years of this life is just like the tip of an iceberg but the rest of life in eternity is the big unseen part under the surface.

I most times find myself in the footsteps of a retiring missionary coming back home on the same ship with the president of united states, a cheering crowds, a military band and a red carpet and the media welcomed the president home but the missionary slipped off unnoticed. Feeling self-pity and resentment, he began complaining to God just like any human, then the lord gently reminded him, but my son, “you are not home yet”

So when life gets tough, when am overwhelmed with doubt, or when I wonder if living for Christ is worth the effort, I am reminded that am not home yet. Knowing that I won’t leave home by death- but will go home where I was meant to be.

BY: kiggundu wilson via the purpose driven life