What if dreams don’t come true?

I don’t know about you, but when I read biographies of great men, peoples whose life has been great and done wonders on the face of the earth. My heart bounces, wondering how my everyday life is puzzling up to the fulfillment of my great commission. Have you ever wondered that or is this being me? You read that thick book of Keith green and see how the good and the bad led to and pointed to his calling, 

something  difficult for me to say with the different pieces and phases of my own life. Life is not weather prediction or sports betting, it’s a mystery that unfolds bits by bits with or without knowing. I trust it is true. That, “life is understood backwards but lived forward”.  This for me is not retreating from the mission, but a preparing my heart for the worst.                                                               

What if dreams don’t come true? I have had my share of the world and it hasn’t been all that good. I pray prayers telling God enough is enough. That at least this is the right time for me to face something different from that, which my body has become numb to, it’s time to hear sounds that open my ears wide open, sights that are new, and life experiences that surprise my operating system.When it is all dark around me, the storm setting to come, and the clouds forming their way towards me, I take a ruler to measure ages back ,my past life, days gone. And through the uncertainty that lies in the human brain, I wonder to whether my good days are behind me or way further ahead? I don’t want to blink and the next thing I know is I am dying with a pile of unfinished works,                                  

What if the lord wants me to remain as humble as my past, what if I don’t hit big dreams and live the reality that exists in my head? What if I remain in the world of complete controversy where everyone thinks I am crazy because of what I believe in? What if I don’t ever get to a point where people think am right? What if all I ever do in life are petty jobs earning only a lay man’s wages that leaves no legacy? What if I age to 50’s and at the end have nothing to show for my hard work? What if corruption does not change in our time of ruling the nation of Uganda, then which generation will flip this nation round? What if the mystery of HIV/AIDS is not resolved in the time of our breathing, leaving our children and grand children to share in the same curse? What if homosexuality is finally made legal and embraced by our people? Then what moral legacy shall we pass on? What if our economic system does not change, leaving people poor? Something they have seen all their lives. What if people fail to come to Christ, leading their souls to eternal hell?                                                                                         

People say statements like,” where there is a will, there is a way”. Believe and your dreams will come true. Or even, “have faith in the lord, pray and you will see it come true”. And the last one would be a combination of all of them, “believing, praying and hard work will result into dreams coming true”. Am not objecting to any of these, all are true, but i just can’t sit down in a cool shade, take a smoothie and at the end expect all this to happen. And at the same time i cannot eliminate the spiritual part of it (prayer). But does doing all this result into the fulfillment of dreams? Maybe yes, but what if it is the answer we least desire to hear, that NO. What if there is so little to be done that is it so much easy and cheap all can do it and turn a leaf in their lives. But what happens when there is a million other things to be added on that list? so that we would have to check them all off the list, and then it will be automatic all our life problems and question will be answered. Or, to make it worse, what if it is none of the above then where will our imagination take us?                                                                                       
Gratify yourself in the lord and he will give you your heart desires (psalm 37:4) what if this mystery lies only in God and with God. What if the lord’s desire for my life is different from that of my own, in a way that his plans are the opposite of my dreams? The way David was not allowed to build the temple of the lord despite his good motives. What if His purpose for my life is not for me to hit big in any field but remain humbled by low popularity and village status in a way that my influence is limited to my location? Or, what if I never get answers to any of my life questions but just live a simple humble life.  What if these dreams are not for me, but for someone out there like you? Who said dreaming exists, who said fulfillment of dreams is real? Do they surface when we question their existence or do they hide deeper? What if it is a mind made theory to console a haunted brain? Will I stop dreaming when the dreams I hold come true? or will that be the start of the adventure? Am I asking for impossible sacred things for only anointed and chosen ones? or can I also unfold my hands forward and be blessed?  Am I too early for these life questions? I would have to wait till am 30 or 40 to start thinking of thinking about dreams? or am I too late, that these questions are asked by twelve and fifteen year olds? Did I miss that stage and now I am under fixation? Am I on the right path by asking this or am I headed to the deep end?                                                                                                                               
 I don’t know about you, but for me I don’t want to blink any second of my life, only to wake up and I am old and wondering what happened to life. I don’t want to resist death when it knocks; I want to die a happy man, like one of those that is chosen. And yes, what if dreams don’t come true? Will I be able to settle and know that the lord works all things for the good of those who love him? Will I sleep and wake up every morning and say “your will be done on earth as it is done in heaven?                            

Will I blame myself for not working so hard and giving it all my best or will I blame my enthusiasm and zeal for working so hard I missed the point? Will I settle and say to my kids, yes, sons and daughters, this is the path the lord has chosen me to lead and I will rejoice and be glad, teaching them to know His will and walk in it. Will I die a happy man when dreams don’t come true? Will I under estimate His power and authority? 
Will i stop believing or will I hold on to the faith? I pray I do. Because the last thing I request is dying with regrets and questions. Do you ever think this way, or is this being me?What if dreams don’t come true?                                                                                                                         In Christ alone                                

                           Kiggundu Wilson